DOWN FOR THE TEN COUNT

From the Chapter "Deep Roots"

Sis was not the only family member who had an occasional brush with the local County Mounties .  My grandfather took no guff from man, woman, nor child, and this hard-assed attitude got him in hot water occasionally.  One of his most memorable confrontations occurred when he was eighty-eight years old.

He was having a problem with his neighbor’s dog digging in his garden and chasing his livestock in the back pasture.  Grandpa asked the much younger neighbor to please keep his dog at home, but to no avail.  He made several more entreaties but he was ignored by the neighbor and the dog continued to be a nuisance.  Grandpa finally told the neighbor he would shoot the dog if it came into his pasture again.  Well, the dog did and Grandpa did. 

The irate neighbor came over and began berating Grandpa Jones for shooting his dog.  Grandpa Jones told him he only shot him with a .22 cartridge loaded with birdshot, and the dog had only been “stung” just a mite.  The neighbor was not to be mollified and finally called Grandpa a “senile old goat.”  That was a bad mistake on the neighbor’s part.  He should never have called my grandfather “old.”  Grandpa’s hands were the size of Honey Baked hams and when he made a fist it was the size of a volley ball.  With one lick Grandpa knocked the man up under the old red pickup truck, unconscious.  When the neighbor came to he crawled from under the truck, called the Sheriff and demanded the old man be locked up for assault and battery. 

A deputy came out and got both sides of the story.  The neighbor stayed in the officer’s face, pressing his demand that Grandpa be arrested.  The exasperated deputy finally told the neighbor if he didn’t shut up he would turn Grandpa loose on him again.  The neighbor went ballistic at this news.  The deputy finally reached his threshold of suffering fools gladly and turned to him and said, “I’ll tell you what I will do.  I am going to arrest this old man, take him to jail and book him, and file a report.  Then, I am going to call a TV news reporter I fish with, and tell him the entire story. I suppose you wouldn’t mind seeing the television story about how this old man who is fifty-three years your senior kicked your younger butt with just one punch.  Just think, you might end up on Sixty Minutes.  It’s your decision.”

The neighbor decided to retire from the field of battle, Grandpa avoided incarceration, and the dog never came back into his pasture.  The deputy did give Grandpa a ten dollar citation for cruelty to animals for shooting the dog.  He told Grandpa if he had killed the dog there would have been no problem, but since he just wounded the dog he would have to pay the fine.

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