A BIG NOSED WINE

From the Chapter "All in the Family"

Mr. Cleve and the boys also made an adult beverage concoction they called “scuppnin wine,” from the juice of a grape-like brownish-grey fruit officially named scuppernongs.  Scuppernongs were pretty good to eat, as long as you didn’t eat the hull, but they would sure make your teeth sharp.  They would also cause serious trouble in your alimentary canal when eaten in large quantities. 

The making of the wine was fairly simple.  The scuppernongs were crushed in a large wooden barrel, and allowed to ferment for fourteen days.  If you tried to sneak a drink out of the barrel before it was time the yellow jackets standing guard would, “eat your ass up.”  The fermented juice was then strained through cheese cloth into #3 washtubs.  An egg was placed in the liquid and sugar was added.  The mixture was periodically stirred until the egg rose to the top of the concoction.  The stirrer was very careful to not break the egg.  The breaking of the egg would result in incurring the wrath of Mr. Cleve.  You would be better off being put through the rollers of the sugar cane press.  At least it would be over quickly.

When the egg floated to the top the wine was deemed, “almost fit to drink.”  It was strained into one-quart containers and placed in the smokehouse for seven to ten days for final aging, proof elevation, and character development.  After this final aging the entire batch underwent extensive testing.  There was no lack of volunteers for the testing process and Mr. Cleve often had to disappoint some of his volunteer tasters.  One year, with a rather large group of tasters participating in the process, the entire batch of wine was consumed by the tasters.  Although no wine was left to sell, everyone pronounced the making of the wine, and the evaluation of the product to be a complete success. 

Although the vintage of the wine was measured in days, not years, the brew was usually around forty-proof, meaning it was composed of at least twenty percent alcohol.  One major testing and evaluation protocol was the amount of wine that had to be consumed in order for your lips to go numb.  A good batch of wine caused this to happen after consuming less than half-a-cup.  Numbness of the face usually occurred after the consumption of eight ounces, or one cup, of the vin extraordinaire.   If your ears started ringing after three helpings of the wine then it was pronounced, “definitely fit to drink.”  It was sold for seventy-five cents a quart.

A wine connoisseur would describe this forty-proof wine in this way:  “This wine has an unexpected big nose, with a somewhat sharp, but beguiling, wild grape taste and aroma.  It also has a precocious and pert body, with a finish that, though hardly smooth, gives me the distinct sensation of getting my eyes crossed by a two-by-four to the noggin, while my entire face goes numb.  It is difficult to describe the aftertaste, as the wine completely burned off all my taste buds.  Rough finish or not, I begged like a dog for more.  It was two days before my ears stopped ringing and I was able to speak without slurring.  I definitely recommend this vintage.”

If you preferred the more manly-looking red wine you could substitute purple muscadines for the scuppernongs as the main ingredient.  Everything else would be the same.  Either way, it was not a drink for ladies nor the timid or weak-hearted.

The Story Page