THE GOOD OLD DAYS

THE GOOD OLD DAYS

Each generation of Americans has ultimately laid claim to living in “the good old days,” implying the present day and time is not nearly as good as when they were young.  Was life really better in the “good old days of the 1950s” than it is now?  Better?  In some ways there is no question about life being better back then; in other ways, not really.  Since we had little idea of what things would be like fifty years later, we didn’t know which particular aspect of our lives to be unhappy or dissatisfied with.

The decade of the 1950s had an air of innocence and confidence about it.  We had just laid a serious ass-whipping on the Krauts and Japs, making the world safe again for all people everywhere, or so we thought, until Korea came along.  Jobs were fairly plentiful, and the economy was healthy enough to cause very little angst about making a living.  Science and technology were just starting to affect the national standard of living in a big way.  The Cold War and the constant threat of nuclear annihilation by a bunch of sorry-assed, white-trash acting, mongoloid looking, peasant mentality, no-good Communists had not yet cranked-up to its peak. 

“Ipana” toothpaste was a big seller; “Ivory” soap was 99 and 44/100 pure, and you could tell if your new shoes fit correctly by looking at your feet through a fluoroscope, a device that let you see your feet through your shoes.  “Snowdrift” was the shortening of choice, a hoe (“Ho”) was something you used to chop cotton and kill snakes with, a gay person was someone who was happy and carefree, a hard drive was traveling the twelve miles of dirt roads to Mr. Cleve’s farm after a rainstorm, a RAM was something the female sheep were glad to have around, the only floppy disc we knew about was a cheap paper plate and Spam was something we sliced up and put on a sandwich with tomatoes and onions.

Sweet tea was generally the only kind of iced tea served at home and in restaurants.  Most kids drank their iced tea out of a BAMA brand jelly jar and ate off of Melmac® plastic dinnerware.  The “high tech” toy of that time was the electric vibrating football game.  The football players had small strips of cellophane for feet and moved back and forth on the vibrating surface of the metal board, usually round and round in a circle.  These games were fun to play with until someone invariably stepped on the middle of the field.  The players then all ran toward the dent on the playing field.  The “Slinky” was a popular toy, as was the board game “Cootie.”  The “Frisbee” had not been invented yet.

Elvis Presley donned a pair of blue suede shoes and changed American culture forever.  Rock and roll was invented; smoke got in your eyes; heavenly shades of night were falling; Chuck Berry, the Big Bopper and Patsy Cline were coming into their own; you could find a thrill on Blueberry Hill; Maybelline had started back doing those things she used to do.  The great thing was that a person could actually hear and understand all the words in the songs of that day.  Parents and educators gave credit to rock and roll as being a tool of the devil, sent to corrupt the minds and morals of young southern boys and girls for generations to come.  They may have been more correct than they thought.

The nation as a whole followed the same bible-based moral compass.  Americans had baskets full of national pride, and were confident they could provide a better life for their families than they had had.  Kids were proud to recite the pledge of allegiance; you could also mention God in school without being cast out as if you were a pariah with an incurable disease.  We were required in our senior year to attend a church and write an outline of the sermon as part of a high school English assignment.  I guess it was coincidental that the outlines all bore a striking resemblance to each other. 

Can you imagine the furor today if kids were required to attend a church service as part of a school assignment by their creative writing teacher?  The storm of liberal protest would be almost apocalyptic in its intensity; CNN, ABC, CBS, and NBC would be transparently orgasmic in the level of their howling and editorializing.  It would be worth paying extra to see perky little miss Katie (“I alone know what’s best for America”) Couric vent her trashy spleen on the “Today Show,” mistakenly thinking that more than three people in the U.S. actually give a rat’s-ass what she thinks about anything.  Whew.

Most folks were hard-working, honest, and dependable.  A person’s word was considered appropriate enough for most business dealings.  Families went to church together, prayed together, and stayed together.  Divorce was almost unheard of.  You could leave your house unlocked and not worry about losing all your possessions, or it being vandalized. 

In this innocent decade the word, “geek” meant a gesture, considered extremely rude and provocative, made by holding the middle finger aloft, or the middle two fingers, if you felt especially “froggy,” and were trying to seriously provoke someone.  This same, timeless gesture today is called “throwing a bird” or the “giving someone the finger.” Kids who today are called “Geeks” were called, back then, with no small amount of affection, “lizards.”  It was better to run off and join the Fair than be known as a lizard.